Last night in my head...

I couldn't serve all those dinners at once. And I think that means that I'm going crazy. I really think I'm going crazy. I turned around and there were tables and tables. Circles of them really. And all hungry mouths open WIDE! They could swallow whales whole without thinking twice. Or regretting. Mean! And their eyes were beads and their forks were their swords. Feed me Ashley! That's what they were thinking.
(There's so much on my plate and I'm not even hungry.)

My dreams are telling me things, but I'm resisting listening

Boleslas Biegas

Something Like That

yeah
slap me around
do me in
at least i know my own skin
and i have constellations

It was the old touch.

It was the old touch. And I knew it from my dream. But this time his fingers told me things. And every time I felt him, I could read his mind:
Touch my back: 'you'll do it for me'
Tug my hair: 'take off your dress'
Push my chest: 'go down'
And then: 'I love you'
How about that for a tired night in?

Oh Sweety You Aren't The Same

Oh darlin, your mouth doesn't open no more
You're sealed and there's no coming in
The cave has collapsed, your teeth have been swallowed
Your tongue's become heavy and old
You frown and it drowns and you drown

Honey, your eyes don't say much no more
They're cranky and crinkled and mute
And when your eyes have no light
Are just two broken rocks
The filter you look through is death

The filter you feel from is dead

Arizona Sunset

Last Night

Again! I did it
And it made me breathe lemonade all day

Unica Zurn: Dark Spring Exhibition at The Drawing Center, NYC

Unica Zurn.

Your Voice

your voice in like a missile killing me
i hate your open mouth because
it means your war is coming

Welcome Back To Me

It was stinging my back. And I knew it was.
With all the standing around me, no one stopped it.
The scorpion kept stinging. And I bent down. In a ball I asked him to take it off. The pain was rising.
And when he did, I slept.
And when I slept, I had a dream.
At last I had my dreams back.

I had begged my body to give me some. To give me one.
But it wouldn't. Not for months. No dreams, just mute.
When finally it forgave me and brought them back to me.
And let me in on my own little secrets.
Like scorpions stinging my back.

Morning Zubz

We all disagree. Some say it happened on Wednesday. But I think it happened on Monday. No one for Tuesday.

This: The Sun began to trick us. Oh yes it did. Why do you think it has taken so long for me to write you this story?  My words are finally back. And I can understand them. (Can you?)

Mornings buzz every morning. But because Wednesday/Monday was the day the Sun turned it's tricks, our buzz was a zubz. And so on and so forth.

This is what I think. The Sun was getting bored with us. Having to look at the tops of our heads and our shoulders and our fingers when we point was getting old. Bright lights, it was getting old! Birds eye view is only fun for birds I guess. Not suns.

And the Sun wanted a connection. Or maybe it was too late for that. But no one made eye contact with it anymore, no one even looked up. Because everyone anywhere has forever been warned to never look at the Sun. (Is its face so ugly? Are its teeth so sharp?) I don't know. I heed my warnings.

So bored and sad and neglected and rejected, the Sun did a very bad thing.

The Sun tangled our words. What I mean is, it changed the winds. Instead of blowing woosh woosh, they began to blow soohw soohw.  How can one live in a world like that? One can't. Because the birds could no longer fly up. They flew pu! And birds flying pu, make cats woem. And woeming cats make dogs arbk.

As I told you before, our morning buzz was a big fat zubz.

Everything was mixed up, every word turned into another. Not one person knew what to do. Not one. (Maybe a neglected farmer in the outskirts of Australia. But who talks to those folks? Kangaroos I guess. But this morning kangaroos were bnocunig around like crazy, so there goes that...)

But it gets worse: sentences too were being jumbled. Stories and letters, sayings and speeches. Nothing was making sense. The Sun made every whisper whirl into a lullaby:

Whisper Whisper Walking became Dovetail Dovetail Dream. And nobody understands what that means. Kisses on the cheek became misses on the creek, and nobody understands what that means.

People began to panic. When you can't make out a hello from a leloh, things get a little creepy. People can no longer understand you - communication becomes obsolete. And loneliness kicks in. Soohwing winds are new winds that blow isolation at an alarming speed. Everyone was on their own. No words could help us now. No words at all anymore.  As the day progressed we regressed. And by nightfall the world was speechless. One could only silently pray (for obvious reasons) that the next morning's buzz would not be subjected to this scramble. But the Sun was relentless.

Zubz, zubz. Much to our dismay, the next morning zubzed and again our words failed us. As a human race, we felt scared and alone.

So what do you think we did? We looked up. We looked up at the sky in search of an answer. We turned to the Universe that had apparently rejected us and wondered Why is this happening? Are we so evil that even language detests us? 

'No,' replied the Sun. 'Your shoulders are just boring. And I miss those eyes that glisten in my light.'

And I remember that feeling of my head tilted upwards, and I remember not remembering the last time it was. (My neck felt stretched and strong.) The Sun missed us, missed our faces, missed our attention. It was lonely up there, and wanted its friends back.

You can imagine our shame! Oh holy Sun, who had given us our everything, was feeling like no one wanted it. Our sunblock and sunglasses were stabs in its wounded heart. (Don't even get me started on moon roofs.) 

And the whole world thought (we were still plagued with silence): We want you Sun. We need you. And that really means we love you.

We love you. That's all it wanted to hear. And the Sun smiled. And when the Sun smiles, the wind blows. Woosh woosh the wind blew. And the birds flew up...

No, we don't pray to the Sun like we once did, nor do we think it is the Center of the Universe. But we do love it. And look up at it and say Good morning Sir, and thank for this heat. Also, the Sun can now look at my face and not my shoulders. They're turny. I slouch.

Touch Your Mouth

I'm in my mind
And my teeth have told you that

It's when I touch your mouth
Your teeth told me
So much. Always

Show me that smile